You take a writing course and they drill it into your head:  “Write about what you know.”

That is precisely why I anguished over titling my book The Essentials of Fabulous.  Am I fabulous?  No.  Do I know fabulous when I see it?  Yes.  Do I know how to become fabulous?  Absolutely.  So I wrote about what I know and I’ve sold a few books.  People seem to like it. At least I hope they do.

But last week I read an article (I tried to find the link but alas…) about a young woman, a mother of a toddler (love that word!) who was a lawyer by trade and worked from home so she could take care of her toddler (how many opportunities do I have to use that word?  Give me a break, people).  Now, the woman spent a lot of time alone because her husband was doing a post-doctorate in oncology.  At night, when the house was quiet and the dryer was drying all the white washcloths she had used that day (er…that would be me.  I love white washcloths!  I buy them a dozen at a time.  I use nearly 20 a day.  I know what you’re thinking and I agree:  I’m crazy.  But it’s my life and I want to live it as a white washcloth collector.)

I digress.

So the young woman decides “I’m going to write a book.”  And what will the book be about?  What subject is a guaranteed bestseller?  Well, there are two:  First is motherhood.  You’re either a fabulous French mother who smokes, drinks and ignores her children who sit docilely at the café like lap dogs or you’re the Tiger Mom who stamps her foot on the child’s Lego collection if he comes home and hasn’t made the traveling math team.  The other subject is vampires.

Now let’s go back to the all the classes I’ve taken in writing and drilling:  “Write about what you know.”

What, may I ask, most humbly and sincerely, does this woman know about vampires?  Or as my late grandmother would say “vat she know about vampires?”

Has this woman met a vampire?  Cavorted with a vampire?  Dined with a vampire?

Has she ever sat down with a vampire and asked him questions about his early life.  For example, is he a middle child?  Did his mother serve him grilled cheese and tomato soap when he was home sick with a fever?  Did he wear The Pump sneaker when he was in fifth grade? (The fact that I refused to buy my son The Pump is the reason he called me a “monster.”)

I don’t think I’ve seen more than two movies about vampires and both scared the daylights out of me.  I did like Mel Brooks’ “Young Frankenstein” although Frankenstein was a monster.  By the way, the movie is an absolute gem.  It’s so divine it’s in the Library of Congress National Film Registry.  Now, could I create an entire oeuvre about monsters based on this send-up of the classic horror genre?  No.  But this young woman wrote a serious novel about vampires and guess what?  She made it into an “e” book and sold millions of books.

Millions, I tell you.  Of course each book cost a penny but still.  I think that’s impressive.

Whenever anyone asks me what my book is about I always say “Vietnam” to mock  the rule of writing about what you know.  But the next time someone asks me about the book, I’m going to say it’s about “vampires.”  I’m convinced it will increase my sales.